Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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