His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
