Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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