why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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