So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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