Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We have started to decorate penises.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
