Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
