Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
