I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
