You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
