a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
