Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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