The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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