dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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