I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
