haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
did you just send me my own nude
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
