Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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