Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
