i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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