well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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