wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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