Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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