I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
