You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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