i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i believe in u and ur pee
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
