So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When are your genitals available?