How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize