I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers