Yo dont text me then not text me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.