You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
