FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.