I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
