I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
