chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
