God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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