my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
