Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
