i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
