I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
