no, he came in my armpit
i wish my penis had a tongue
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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