I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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