I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
