dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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