I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
