So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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