Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
then he tried to convert me to islam
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
