I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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