: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
