sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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