I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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