then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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