We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
