I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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