I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
