Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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