If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
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Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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