I want to stick my p in your. b.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Randomize
