Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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