This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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