His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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