Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
