True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
