I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
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We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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