How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
