I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
it's like heaven, but drunker
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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