We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
